I'll Give you Something to Run and Tell, Homeboy

I don't really feel like writing blog-type jokes today, mostly stand-up material.
So instead, I'm going to make jokes that have links to mostly YouTube videos (all will be appropriate). I'll throw in a few regular jokes because I'm inconsistent.
I have a new blog, it's a mostly serious one, unlike this one. I don't expect to blog on there much. Maybe just a post a week, or whenever I feel like saying something. I promise I won't go on any rants or chew someone else (I'm very self-aware). It'd be cool if you followed it, but I assume people get enough of me as it is.
Thanks for following this blog, by the way.

• This is how alcoholic bulimics get skinny...
• The protocol to return the Mexican River Whale back to it's habitat.
• Please tell me you guys think I'd be better at stand-up than this kid. Please, please say I am.
• You do not understand Snuggies until you have one. I have one. I'm not gay. 
• Look at this clumsy mofo. 
• "I've had sex before." I don't believe you. "I have a kid to prove it!"
• Everyone has this kind of family member that they rather not acknowledge...
• These are the gay band geek drop-outs 0.o 

Even though these people probably have more followers than me, here are some blogs I suggest:

-Michael's blog, he always has something interesting to say. Down to earth guy and will probably be the biggest thing to come out of LE.

-Virgina's blog, she has short and to-the-point blog posts. She always seems to have something to say that most can relate to. Plus, she was the first person to ever say that I was funny and make me feel like I made people laugh and wasn't just some dick writing jokes.

-Emily's blog, she's random. Can't really explain her blog. But it's always a good read.

I Want Katy Perry Wearing a Bow...and Nothing Else

I know my last few blogs haven't been my best. I've been in a funk lately. I'm starting to get out of it, though :)
I want to thank everyone who follows me simply for following me. I always thought that I had an extremely offbeat sense of humor and that I'm a little strange (heck, I am), but knowing that people kinda like some of the jokes I make makes me feel like I might actually be able to be a stand-up comedian like I want to.
Enough sappy crap.

• "Hello, my name is Samihaji Hajib. I am a Muslime foreign exchange student from Dubai." HIDE THE JEWS! WE NEED TO CHEAT OFF THEM ON TESTS!
• Paris Hilton's lips are like dip; I don't want it anywhere near my mouth. 
• The Ultimate MTV show: My Super Sweet 16 & Pregnant
• If you've ever watch 16 & Pregnant, then you know two things: 1. Georgia has a bunch of horny country bumpkins and 2. Gluing your purity ring to your finger isn't as easy as you think.
• Formspring is like it's users: Dead by it's own hand.
• My sex life is unfortunately like Miley Cyrus' acting skills: Non-existent.
• My relatives always ask "Cody, do have a special girl in your life that you like to kiss and hug?" and just once, I'd like to say "We do SOOOOO much more than kiss and hug. We created this position that has a yoga ball involved in it..."
• Guys, if your girlfriend is about to scootchie, then get her a Gucci so you can keep that cootchie.
• "Dude, there's drunks, whores, people acting like complete idiots, and gingers everywhere!" Wow, is it St. Patrick's Day? "No, it's a Tuesday at LE.."
• If the Gamecocks intercepts the ball, could we call that a cockblock?

Formspring

My Hipster History Teacher

Let's see how close I can get to fire without getting burned.

(Just remember that these are all jokes, I love all....most....a lot....some of you guys)

• "Look at this queer right here" Said every redneck I've ever encountered.
• Dang, LE kids and Camden kids are mixing in more than Tiger Woods' children.
• That joke was funny 'cause one school is white and the other is black just like Tiger Woods and his ex wife.
• Do you know how hard it is to scrape a freshman off your shoe?
• The 600 hall reminds me of Munchkin Land in The Wizard of Oz, except it's a lot gayer.
• "Whore" and "female LE freshman" actually mean the same thing.
• I don't think I gotta mention her name, but we all know of the LE Cougar. The chick who preys on the freshmen boys. Good God, she chases them down like a black guy chases down a red head.
• If you are under 5 1/2 ft and have a penis, then the LE Cougar is probably outside your window or stalking you on Myspace (HA!).
• Do you get why I'm doing this blog? It's not because I want you people to laugh, it's because I want to impress Michael enough that he'll let me have his sloppy seconds. (This joke is called "This could either go really well or get me killed and then have a song written about my death")
• Are you a girl? "Yes" Do you go to LE? "Yes" When are you due?
• I don't have to pray for a girl's baby to be black every night because I'm a virgin by choice....well, not by my own choice.
• That joke alluded to LE because it dealt with pregnant hoes. It also implies that I want to do away with the last part of that joke... 
• "Demons in the front, let me hear you grunt!" UUUUHHHHH! *Other moaning sounds*
• Black people, I now know how it feels to be the minority. Now I know why you hate us crackas. I ride the bus, being the minority is scary both mentally and sexually.
• You licked the floor on the 200 Hall?! How long until the full blown AIDs kick in?

I made up a rap:

So many rappers but ain't one of them like K-Flum

Eat your Wheaties and your Branflakes

If you don't, you better pull out before it's too late

He can do some damage, more than just a bump;

C*m

"Screw You!" YOU WILL?!

No real introduction today.
Just listen to this, it'll make you happy and put you in the Christmas spirit.

• I don't believe in gay marriage. Except for lesbians. But only under certain circumstances: they must all have a camera. 
• Girlfriend wanted. NEEDED: Boobs, snatch.
• You ever see a hot girl post one of those "Send me something you've always wanted to tell me in my inbox!" and the first thing to cross your mind is something like "I want to be inside you"? No? Just me? You people are weird. 
• I'M SIXTEEN. Don't you people go "Cody's perverted!" I'm lucky if I go 20 seconds without thinking about sex. 
• Dude, tonight I put bread, deli meats, and mayo on the counter and a little Korean women popped outta no where and made me a sammich. Notice how I said WOMEN. And that, children, is how a sammich is made.
• "My cousin, Daniel, works at South Pole!" Really? I didn't know Daniel was gay....
• "They're saying something about eclipse at 1:33 or something like that. What is that all about?" At an hour and thirty-three minutes into Twilight: Eclipse, Edward takes his shirt off for the last time. Cherish it. Cherish it! "Really?" No, there's a lunar eclipse at 1:33 tonight, stupid woman. 
• I just wanna nail the girl singing in Like a G6....with a snowball and be like "POP SOME BOTTLES IN THAT ICE, TRICK!"
• We're in the south. This is the only place where you can call your day "progressive" if you only fell into sexual temptation with your cousin ONCE.
• "Fighting with the person you're dating means you have a good relationship." I don't know what post-suicidal thoughts 13-year-old came up with that crap up, but it is complete BS. It doesn't mean you two have a good relationship, it means you put out and the he just can't find a replacement whore at the moment. 
• You could throw a rock and hit a LE rapper...

Share your Mouth-Guard With me, Faggot! Don't Wipe the Spit Off it, Either!

Didn't even plan on doing this. 

Just found out this dude mentioned me in his blog. 

Made my day because he's....well, him.

If you've been a student at LE for a week, then you've heard of him.

• My Christmas list: Lea Michelle, Megan Fox, Katy Perry. Santa, I will kill your wife in front of you if they have clothes on.
• I hope Lady Gaga isn't a man. If she is, I'm gay.
• Anybody else wanna have sex with this girl?
• She said "Do you wanna go out?" and I was like "Maybe, maybe, maybe....no."
• Anybody else start getting sexually frustrated when they see the California Gurls music video?
• A girl actually stalks my blog and she looks like she stole her Christmas sweater off my grandma…(You’re awesome, Caitlin :D)
• They say guys think with their dick. Will you blow my mind?
• Black guys can't be bouncers because they don't really "bounce." They jump and come down about 30 minutes later. 
• "Ladies of the Battered Women's Shelter, be quiet, a man is talking." -Tracy Morgan

While I'm using the word-link button more than a middle schooler uses a curse word he just learned, I might as well link another one of my friends who has an awesome blog.

Night, folks. 

'Cause I Know You Want 'em

Posts with just pictures won't be a regular thing.
Just this one time.
I mean, it's Katy Perry.

This is the List of Black Girls I'm Attracted to:

It's been a week since my last post on here. 

You know what? I've learned some stuff in that week.

I've learned how to smile even when I should be pissed off. 

See, me and this girl had been talking for a while and I told her "I love you" and she said it back and it was special because she's the first girl I ever said that to. 

So, after a few months of endless texts, countless Skype conversations, and me being late to my class from walking with her in the halls, she decides to just quit talking to me. 

Now, I know I said nothing wrong because everything I said to her was thought-through and heartfelt.

About a week ago, I try talking to her in the bus area (something her and I usually did) and she said a few things and I said a few things. Casual conversation. Nothing out of the ordinary. I actually thought everything was going to get back to the way it was. 

"Hey, Cody, it's all gonna get better. She's talking to you and you've got a v-neck on (she likes those) and it looks like everything is going to be fixed. Good job, buddy." said my naive mind.

She left me and went to go talk to a guy who was only three feet behind me. 

"**** you.", I said in reply to my mind.

Her and  the guy have been talking ever since. 

Most people would get upset over that and not let it go for a long time. 

That's all fine and dandy if you're a woman.

Most guys would've went on some sexual rampage to prove he's better off without the girl.

I, however, made a joke about an experience playing "Never Have I Ever" with her and her friends:

• If you ever have a chance to play "Never Have I Ever" with someone you like, don't. You find out stuff you NEVER wanted to know about them. Never have I ever had sex with three guys in a car. "Wait, is it JUST cars or like, trucks and stuff?" Never have I ever thought about having crazy sex with my boyfriend. "*Keeps finger up* HAHA! Cody, you ain't getting none of this. I hooked up with a black guy and you're white. You'd be like the little train who couldn't."

          The rest of these are just regular jokes I've come up with when I wasn't doing your mom:

• Looks like Alaska is going to have a rise in STDs! (If you get it, good for you. Keep your mouth shut)
• If Antoine Dodson can get famous from being on the local news, then I should be famous RIGHT NOW. I have freaking talent. I should be stealing Selena Gomez's virginity, not sitting on the couch, trying to make a bunch of people who think I'm a jerk laugh. Oh, the reason I said Selena Gomez and not Miley Cyrus was because I'm sure someone has already beaten me to the punch on that one.
• The video of Miley Cyrus smoking a bong is actually a sex tape. It isn't a bong, it's Lady Gaga's disco stick.
• If you're sixteen and you're in Boy Scouts. You're gay. Plain as that. Being a teenager in Boy Scouts is the equivalent of making out with a dude. 
• If a girl asks me if I'm gay, I'm going to say yes and see just how many sexy sleepovers and midnight hot tub parties I can get out of it. "Cody, I don't think I'd be any good at sex." Weeelllll, if you reeaaalllllyyyy want to, we can do it and I'll tell you if you are or not. "Aww, that's so sweet. Do you wa-" LET'S DO IT NOW!.....um, gurrrrllll. 
•  "Stockings ripped all up the side." Oh no! That means your presents from Santa will fall out! 
• Gay people, if you get offended at any jokes I say about you, just realize they're freakin' jokes. If you can take a dick in the back door, then you can take a joke. 
• Telling a girl you masturbate while thinking of her is like being the best accordion player in the world: that’s good for you and all, but it makes people think you’re weird.
• Geometry is like making love; I have absolutely no idea how to do it. I just nod my head if someone asks if I get it and hope they don’t ask me to go into detail.

Oh, here's a picture of Katy Perry.

What Does Lindsay Lohan's Career, Our Relationship, and the TV Show "Monk" Have in Common? They're All Over!

I got a request to do a blog.
Made my day.
I'm on a friggin' tirade of sarcasm, today.
You're in for a bigger treat than when a white guy finds out his girlfriend's baby is black.
Let's get down to brass tacks.

• Today, some freshman was making some kind of gagging/throwing-up noise. He was doing it just to piss people off. The first thing to pop out my mouth was "Is that the noise you make when your boyfriend has his *#&% down your throat?!" I have no idea what possessed me to do that.
• Girls are like Fall Out Boy, they're really hard to understand, but they never lose their appeal.
• You ever make the mistake of believing in yourself?
•  Me: GET SOME!
  Jake: That made Dallas laugh so hard xD
  Me: Then make her be quiet with your mouth.
  Jake: I would if my parents weren't with us!
  Me: Make.Them.Watch.  
• She ditched me to talk to another guy who was like, three feet away from me. So much for "I love you", I suppose. But little does she know...
• My teacher is doing a play where their character says the "N" word. My teacher said it's one of the hardest things they've ever had to do because the "N" word is so bad in their mind. Ummm, come ride on my bus. You'll hear the "N" word said so many times that even Strom Thurmond would have felt weird.
• Nigga. You can't be mad at me for saying it! I said "a" and not "er"! 
• "Anime Club" and "Abstinence Club" are actually the same thing.
• Why do all the screwed up people want to tell you what you're doing wrong? If you're pregnant 16-year-old who has no idea who the daddy of your baby is, then you shouldn't be lecturing me on life decisions. You should be focused on giving up alcohol, honey. We don't need another Lindsay Lohan. 
• We all know that chick who is a total "B" and is still clutching on to the popularity she had in middle school. That wasn't a joke. I just wanted to remind ya'll not to think highly of them 'cause it's open season on their rude self.
• One more joke after this one. I'd tell a penis joke but it's too long.
• Since when has being pale, socially detached, and stalker-ish been "sexy"? I've been like that for years and nothing happened. But all of the sudden some vampire dude struts in and is the hottest thing since the "California Gurls" music video?                                                                               

Fix me in 45

So, I tweeted Simon King (one of the best comedians out there, in my opinion) last night and I woke up to a reply from him. 

Me: You're the reason I've been in my room for days, writing stand-up material for a career that my parents think is a joke. Thank you

Simon: That means a lot to me. It really does.Thanks for that. Work hard and great things will happen.

That may not seem like much, but it means a lot to me, seeing that his stand-up routine was what ultimately made me decide I want to do stand-up. 

That really wasn't meant to go anywhere, but I just wanted to share it.

Besides, that's probably more interesting than what other LE bloggers are doing (with the exception of a few).

"Ooooohhh, they spelled out 'LOVE' in the sand. I'm putting it on my blog!"

Please, if you're going to blog, then at least make it about your life or make it entertaining. 

That's what I aim to do.

Just the thought that I can actually entertain someone makes me feel like all these offbeat thoughts are worth it.

Here's some random crap that I've thought up today.

• Hoes are like doughnuts; you see them and think "Well, just one couldn't hurt."
• George Bush + Dick Cheney = Gollum
• ESPN has created a brand new channel that shows only women's sports called espnW. Danggit, ANOTHER cooking channel?
• Can everyone be quiet about gay people? I don't care if two guys wanna sleep with each other, just shut up about it. Who cares if gays get married or not? They're going to be poking each other whether they're married or not. And shut up about being bullied. No one would give you crap if you didn't dress like Christofer Drew's hoe.
• If you're really quiet at midnight, you might just hear Tiger Woods digging himself into a deeper hole. (Translate that into whatever you may.)
• When you're in eighth grade your boyfriend can buy cigarettes legally, then something is WRONG.
• If you're a fan of Justin Bieber, then you're probably hoping your mom will take you to get your first training bra sometime soon.
• The band kids breed like freakin' rabbits. I see a new pale, yet somehow sexually active band junkie every day.
• Tim Burton movies. Gir from Invader Zim. All Time Low. Rue 21. Jeffery Star. Nightmare Before Christmas. Every scene chick's head just exploded.
• If you're 'married' to your boyfriend on Facebook, then I'll be getting you a "Pregnancy for Dummies" book for Christmas.

Don't Mind me. I'm Watching You Two From the Closet, Wishing to be the Friction in Your Jeans

More random crap because I'm on a roll tonight: 

• Got a friend who does weed a lot? When he’s high (Not “she”. If you’re a girl who does weed on a regular basis, then you probably don’t have friends), call him under *69 and say “Help! I’m trapped in your phone and - I’LL EAT YOUR SOUL!”
• You want to put hair on your chest? Start an argument with your parents. If they’re wrong and you’re right, keep asking them to repeat that phrase and call them by their first name.
• "If your child wants to be a comedian, then you have a terrible child." -John Oliver
• Thank You, God, for vaginas. I've heard they're pretty awesome.
• I just flew in from Phoenix and man, is that joke tired. 
• "Let's have a contest!" Okay, what about? "Whoever can go the longest without an erection wins!" Okay, deal. Hey, who's gonna pick us up from practice today? "My mom" Oh, okay. "Yeah, but she's going to be a little late because she has to pick up my sister from daycare." HEY! You're trying to rig the contest! (Don't think too much on this one)
• I wish Facebook would let you choose the sound you want to hear when you get a new IM. I’d set mine to Selena Gomez moaning. Blast the speakers, strike up a conversation with someone. NOW WHO’S ACTING QUEER, DAD?! HUH?!
• “Me and ****** just broke up” I CALL SLOPPY SECONDS!!
• Driving a sports car is like Katy Perry. I want to do it.
• Love is like denial; everything’s better when you’re in it.

Simon King is a Beast

You'd think people would realize by now that 90% of what I say is sarcastic.

While I'm on the subject, here are some random thoughts that have popped into my head that shouldn't be taken seriously:

• Sometimes the stupid things that girls do make me want to punch someone. I would never in my life hit a girl because: 1. that's wrong 2. that's what gay guys are for. Look, if a girl pisses me off and her best friend, Sebastian, is getting in my face, then I'm swinging at the girl with testicles. 
• I expect that getting the news that you're adopted isn't so bad when you're from Georgia. "I'm adopted?! Dern, this is my lucky day, bo! This means that me and Sissy ain't going to hell for what we've been doing in the pick-up!"
• Did you know birth control pills cause women to have shorter, lighter periods? For the love of God, give those things out for free. I cannot handle another chick yelling at me for "breathing weird" again..
• I was in a play over the weekend and I had to wear eyeliner while on stage. That crap is hard to get off. I understand girls more, now. You have to put some kind of cream basically ON your eye to get the junk off. You'd cry every day, too, if you knew that your eyes would be burning later that night because you wanted to look pretty.
• Girls, I know you like a guy in uniform. But if that uniform is a white polo shirt and khakis, then you're barking up the wrong tree.
• I demand $3,000 in cash. If my demands are not met, then I will release your tumblr URLs to the Facebook community.

Don't let the Tabloids Fool you, she's a Psycho

You might have already read the review of Swift's new album in the LE Pitchfork, but if you haven't, I'll fill you in: In the lyrical booklet that comes with the CD, there are some letters that are capitalized that shouldn't be. At first, one might think that one of the 'ganstas' at our school typed it up. You know the ones you type LiKE dIsS
RigHT herE! But it's actually a cryptic message that spells out "secret" words and phrases.
Guys, we want girls all over us but we freak out when they become obsessive. Taylor Swift is one of those obsessive hoes that we fear in the dead of night. Don't believe that? Think she's just an innocent A-cup who can play guitar? Well, here are some of the 'secret' words decoded off her lyric booklet:

FOREVER AND ALWAYS
YOU THOUGHT I WOULD FORGET
STILL TO THIS DAY
I THOUGHT YOU GOT ME


Good God, this girl cannot let crap die. She wrote a song about her relationship with John Mayer. Which only makes me wonder how he's gonna respond to this. The guy is clearly superior to her in song-writing ability and of all celebrities, he's not scared to take a swing at someone.
Oh yeah, I like John Mayer. 
So, this is a bit biased.
But you gotta admit that she's crazy... 

Sleepy Hollow

Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your hoe rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your hoe, and you told her that she was the only hoe for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly… she’s not yo’ hoe no mo’.

Hey, I Wrote a Rap. Just like Every Other guy my age.

I be like B.o.B
Up in da air like a airplane
Take another sip and I'm airwayne
I'm invincible, even though I'm tiltin'
I'm getting hit by birds like Perez Hilton
I know that grammar is dead and gone
It makes you look dumb and wrong
But if you don't get it right
These boys goin' be shootin you down
Just like King Kong

"I Aim to Tease" The Inner Thoughts of a Girl who Pisses Guys Off

I want to do stand-up because I want to be the hottest  mofo ever seen in a Judd Appatow movie.

Shhhhh, I'm Celebrating YOU

I'm starting to write down stand-up material.
So far, these are the subjects I've written about:

• If girls can talk about their periods, then guys can talk about their...you know. 
• If Jose is going to risk his life to come to America for less than minimum wage, then I think we could allow him to mow a few lawns. Right?
• Girls with butterfaces. You know what I'm talking about. "Everything about her is hot...butterface."
• A girl with a nice butt is like a car with heated seats: it's a nice feature, but you'd be okay without it.
• How every single white guy is screwed if his girl leaves him for a black guy.
• How Boy Scouts turns all their members gay and how I got out just in time. The only damage it left me with is a love of musicals.
• How the band and JROTC kids GET MORE TAIL THAN ME!

Hopefully, I'll be able to piece together a set and find a place where I can try it out.
It'd be cool if ya'll would give some feedback about any stand-up bits I post on here in the future.
My black conclusion: Keep it tight, brah.
My white conclusion: Gee golly gosh, I hope you come back to read again!

I was at a Party and Someone Busted out the Wine Coolers. HOLLABACK!

I want to do stand-up comedy.

I've heard (and I believe) that it is one of the hardest things that you could do.

I just want to prove to myself and everyone around me that I can be somebody.

I'm not just some kid on Facebook, making stupid statuses.

I'm not just that kid in the class who is quiet and lets people walk all over him.

I'm not just that kid who can't play a note on any instrument, yet writes countless songs.

I'm not going to sit around and hope that I catch a break and become an actor.

I'm going to write some material.

I'm going to come up with a set.

I'm going to find a local comedy club and prove I'm an entertainer.

By the way, doesn't this alignment seem kinda girlish?

"I'm having trouble with self-image and fitting in and being myself and it's all so hard. Why are guys such jerks?"

The italics are supposed to represent a girl talking.

"Justin Bieber, I hate drama, possible hints at homosexuality by saying I love my friends too much, I love chocolate, I hate the way I look, everyone looks better than me, she's a hoe."

"Gravity" by John Mayer

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees


Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me (now how can that be?)

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
Oh... where the light is.

My Teacher is Just a Pair of Thick Glasses Away From Being a Hipster

I wake up every morning and check my phone

Hoping for a “good morning”

If there isn’t, I’ll just read the “I love you“‘s from last night

Because truth be known; I feel so alone

And I won’t be waking up to you anytime soon

A history lesson is hard to learn so early

But it’s so fun when your teacher is a hipster

As much as I want to pay attention,

That girl in the back knows she can be a temptations

I try not to stare at her in her short skirt

I don’t know how you can call me gay

You should look in my mind for a day

Oh, World of Warcraft and khakis

Star Trek and jeans on the weekends, I suppose

You’re the coolest as far as dorky teachers go

You’d probably be cooler if my interests weren’t elsewhere

I mean, she’s hardly wearing anything

And I got a v-neck on

And if my pick-up lines worked,

I’d be writing a more explicit song

This place is filled with douchebags without popped collars

Yeah, secret jerks are the worse

And they always seem to be in the class with all the hotties

I don’t stand a chance against the Weezy-loving ballers

Well, at least it’s Friday

Beam me up, Scotty

Dude, you don’t have to pretend

We all know you miss your ex girlfriend

But there’s a chick in the seat behind me

Who will take your mind off that scenie weenie

Oh, she’s such a hot virgin

Those are hard to find, you know

Oh, World of Warcraft and khakis

Star Trek and jeans on the weekends, I suppose

You’re the coolest as far as dorky teachers go

You’d probably be cooler if my interests weren’t elsewhere

I mean, she’s hardly wearing anything

And I got a v-neck on

And if my pick-up lines worked,

I’d be writing a more explicit song

"I learned at a very early age that if I keep repeating myself over and over, I'm right. That means that either truth is relevant, or I'm God." -Joel McHale

Only ELEVEN Messages?

I'm Scared You'll Forget About Me

Never get your hopes up without the expectation of them never being fulfilled. That moment you see it all go askew, walk away. Cut your losses and leave. It’s best to leave while ahead than to be equal IF you make the best of a bad situation.

Don’t get attached to anyone or anything but your dreams.
If something seems too good to be true, it is.
Don’t dwell on the bad things.
If you’re excelling yourself, then you’re doing something right.
If someone gets in your way, screw ‘em.
No matter who they are.

Wired and I'm Tired

Ladies, ladies, ladies, you can’t be posting pics of yourself that are an inch of fabric away from being porn and not expect to be called a hoe. If you keep on that road, you’re gonna be pregnant with a kid whose father is unknown, posting Lil Wayne lyrics acting like it’s all alright when you really just want to just run away. Let’s face it, people who show off their bodies never end up in good places. Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, Paris Hilton. Heck, it even happens to guys. You know those d-bags who post pics of themselves showing their abs in their bathroom with a bandanna on their face while holding their dad’s shotgun? Yeah, those are gonna be the guys who are gonna screw up your orders at Mickey D’s and be on the news for shooting their chubby girlfriend over a pack of cigarettes. But you’re probably saying to yourself “But Cody, everything is covered up. It’s not like I’m a hoe!” Oh yes, you are. See, no one takes pics of themselves wearing a bikini inside without a motive of attracting guys. Look, if you want to get guys by whoring out, go for it. I don’t have a real problem with that. What I do have a problem with is when girls are like “I want a guy who loves me for me!” because it’s your own fault for starting a relationship on a physical level. After years of observing the inner workings of a hoe, I’ve come up with this: They developed at a young age which made them stand out from the other girls. After years of relationships built on appearances and countless compliments by guys, they’ve gotten a taste of attention and a need for it. Now, in order not to face the realization that their bodies will be used up by age 19, they’ve resulted in insulting other girls and calling them hoes because to make them feel better about themselves.